Sunday, July 10, 2011

Risk Being Heard

I remember the first time I started playing the organ for prayer and Mass. Someone made the comment afterward, "You did well, but you can be a bit louder." I responded, "But people will hear me!"

As soon as I said it, I realized how ridiculous it sounded. Being heard, obviously, was the point, but I was brand new and very unconfident. At this point, I probably wasn't even playing the pedals even though I would still put on my organ shoes. Eventually, I did gain enough confidence to get louder and also get my feet moving.

I do find this incident to relate to life - the fear of being exposed, of being too vulnerable, wanting to hide and not let certain aspects of who we are and what we do not be seen or heard.

I was afraid of being heard when I played the organ. No doubt I was afraid of making mistakes. Fortunately I've made lots of mistakes, so I had to conquer my fear by facing it head on. I've been there, done that. And, you know what? I survived! The world didn't come to an end. I'm accepted regardless and am encouraged to continue.

It is difficult to be exposed, to be vulnerable, to take risks. The community certainly does hear me when I play. There's nothing I can do about that. I could have let fear and worry control me, but like everything else in life, I had to begin with the first step.

Is there something you've been hiding or keeping secret, hoping others won't find out? Why is this? Pray about it. What's keeping you from being who you are? What's keeping you from trying new things and letting others know? Nothing, of course, is hidden from God. Just look at Psalm 139.

Nothing is hidden from God, who created us, knows us, and loves us unconditionally.

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